Nearly two years in Los Angeles was enough of an experience for me. I fully emerged myself into an entirely new and unknown environment. I worked in film and television, I published my first book, I saw the spectacular scenery throughout the state of California, and I fell in love with a man twice my age.
Dating in Los Angeles is tough. It was easy to meet people and to get asked out on dates. But beyond that, it’s a direct ride upon the hot mess express into limbo.
There’s a majority of people that are so self-obsessed that dating becomes more of a sales-pitch when looking for a suitable match. There’s a population of people that are addicted to flaking and canceling plans last minute. There are a group of people that change their personality to match the people they are with from outing to outing. But what left me most exhausted in and outside of dating, was the relentless effort the largest majority puts into finding out what they can get from the other person. That was always initial, although it took some time for me to fully grasp this mechanism.
So, naturally, I found myself falling in love with the man I wasn’t even dating. The man that simultaneously gave me everything while also giving me nothing at all. The man that was able to block out the mixed feelings I had for Los Angeles and successfully take my mind somewhere else.
Last month, I moved back East after nearly two years in a new place 2,958 miles from home. Although he wasn’t the determinant, he was a factor.
Although the completion of our relationship aligned with the completion of my California experience, I have learned more about moving on and have discovered clarity on this relationship.
He was toxic. I was toxic. We were toxic together. But we kept coming back because there was something we both got out of the relationship. For him, I think I was a temporary want. He never wanted more but he also never wanted our interactions to end. But for me, I found someone that could give me temporary happiness in an environment I started to reject. For me, he was a successful escape.
Los Angeles was never a destination, for me, it was an experience. So, before I figured out that the experience was coming to an end, I looked for distraction and attention from the man I felt it strongest from.
Even though, it failed time and time again. Even though, he showed me so many red flags that I started to lose count. Even though, he caused me pain and sadness.
But from moving so far away from him, I’ve started to see the situation for what it really was. He used me and I used him. It doesn’t matter the intention, it never had a chance of growing into anything real.
So for the distance now between us, I am grateful for the clarity. I am thankful to finally want to move on and successfully do so. I am excited about my next adventure.
So, perhaps you shouldn’t uproot your life after every break-up. But what you can take away from my scenario is the distance needed when trying to move on from someone.
It doesn’t necessarily need to be in miles but it could be blocking or removing this person from social media. You could delete their number so you don’t have the chance to reach out. If you know this person is going to be somewhere, maybe go somewhere else that night. If someone from his circle makes plans with you, maybe go with a different plan.
Make an honest effort to create distance between you and this person so that the thought of them no longer takes up space in your mind.
Today we are so connected, and there’s no real distance between anyone with the supplement of technology. So when it comes to relationships, we have to make the effort into disconnecting. We have to create real distance ourselves so that we have a fighting chance of moving on.
Create distance, however you see fit. Move on, and make it last. [tc–mark]