Review: Marlins Brewhouse: The most interesting restaurant in Estero

Fort Myers restaurant reviews: The most interesting restaurant in Estero? Marlins Brewhouse


Jean Le Boeuf


JLEBOEUF@NEWS-PRESS.COM
Published 11:00 AM EST Jan 16, 2020

The bowl of ramen came on the same tray as my IPA. 

Painted in a dainty teal print, the bowl cradled a trove of add-ins, from the traditional (wavy wheat noodles, herbs, soft-boiled eggs, glistening hunks of chashu pork belly) to the wholly untraditional (braised collard greens, fat chicken wings).

A French press, the kind used for morning coffee, sat next to the dish, filled with a murky, mahogany-hued broth. Our server pushed the plunger, pressing the aromatic bits of onion and garlic to the bottom, clear of the spout. He poured the broth into my bowl, set my IPA at its side, then went back to his beer-toting duties, leaving me slack-jawed and frozen in awe. 

What the how?!

The French Pressed Ramen ($14) is a shockingly delicious stunner from Marlins Brewhouse in Estero. This fusion take is loaded with braised collards, noodles, soft-boiled eggs, chashu and four chewy-crisp chicken wings. It’s finished with a murky, rich broth that’s pressed and poured table-side. It’s possibly the last thing you’d expect from a taproom.
Special to The News-Press

I’d been to Marlins Brewhouse before. The original one in south Fort Myers and this new, 2-month-old one in Estero’s University Village south of FGCU. I’d eaten at the adjoining Caliburger. I’d snacked on massive, salt-strewn pretzels with pints of Palm City San Carlos Proper, watching the cars go by on Ben Hill Griffin Parkway. 

But a fusion take on ramen, served table-side, that looked as stunningly good as this one?

I repeat: What the how?!

More: 40 years of JLB: How I learned to be a restaurant critic

More: Veg out: 63+ vegan and plant-based restaurants from Fort Myers to Naples

It wasn’t just a pretty bowl of soup. It was a masterful one: the noodles lithe and springy, the sunny egg and soulful broth, the complex spice of the collards, the chashu pork with its tantalizingly wobbly chew. 

Two bites in, I grabbed the Marlins menu and pored over it with forensic precision. Dishes I’d overlooked before jumped out now, one after the next: a cauliflower Caesar salad with tapenade and Parmesan crisps; a hot pot loaded with diver scallops, Gulf shrimp and Antarctic salmon in buttered dashi; thick-cut, fried-to-order potato chips dusted in house barbecue seasoning. 

Marlins’ Wild Fried Shrimp Platter ($17) includes fried Gulf shrimp and pickles, a loaded twice-baked potato, braised collards and a duet of dipping sauces.
Special to The News-Press

I’d been going about this taproom all wrong. Marlins Brewhouse might be the most interesting new restaurant in Estero. 

And all the credit goes to executive chef Noel Willhite (with a nod to Marlins’ owners Tim Frederic and Jeff Burns, who had the smarts to hire him). 

Willhite got his start locally as the garde manger at the Hyatt Regency Coconut Point. His resume includes stints at the former Spago in Chicago and Las Vegas’s Tao — which explains his love for ramen and hot pot, and his knack for the tomato sauces that underlie some of Marlins other great dishes. 

Like its bistro steak frites. 

More: CaliBurger opens at University Village with robots flipping, frying

Willhite takes a 10-ounce hangar steak, sears it till juicy, then teams it with charred cauliflower florets and thinly shaved pommes frites atop a tomato-cream sauce deepened by a touch of sherry. It is steak frites as I’ve never known steak frites. And yet, I loved it. Almost as much as I loved Willhite’s blue-cheese laced Buffalo chicken dip, his pimiento-cheese pretzel bones, his behemoth tray of beer-battered Gulf shrimp and pickles.

The bistro steak frites ($22) from Marlins includes a 10-ounce hangar steak, charred florets of cauliflower, and thinly shaved pommes frites atop a sherry-tomato cream sauce.
Special to The News-Press

This Deep South mashup was brilliant: the curls of shrimp, pink and briny-sweet; the pickles, tangy, bright, almost palate-cleansing. There were more collards, still spicy, still tender. Plus a twice-baked potato and two cups of house-crafted dipping sauces. It was an actual smorgasbord. All for $17. 

The true genius of Willhite’s Marlins work is its accessibility. It is, in essence, elevated beer food sold at beer-friendly prices. It’s food that tastes good with fruity daiquiris and honey-tinged hefeweizens. It’s food that begs to be shared. 

It’s food that’s fun.

Even when the server spilled a quarter of my beer across the table, giggled, then walked off one night. Even when I was left waiting (and. waiting.) for the check another. 

The fun of this menu overrides things like that. And really, how often do I get to call a place fun? Fancy restaurants are a dime a dozen, as are tasty dishes and classically trained chefs. But fun — as in taproom-french-pressed-chicken-wing-ramen fun — is rare.

Unless you’re at Marlins Brewhouse. 

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MORE: I am proud to be Jean Le Boeuf (I just can’t tell you who I am)

Jean Le Boeuf is the pseudonym used by a local food lover who dines at restaurants anonymously and without warning, with meals paid for by The News-Press and Naples Daily News. Follow the critic at facebook.com/jeanleboeufswfl or @JeanLeBoeuf on Twitter and Instagram.

More from JLB

Marlins Brewhouse Estero

University Village, 19800 Village Center Drive No. 235, Estero

JLB’s stars AREN’T like Yelp stars, here’s why… 

• Call: 239-790-6573

• Web: facebook.com/marlinsbrewuniversityvillage

• Hours: 11 a.m.-midnight Sunday to Tuesday, 11 a.m.-12:30 a.m. Wednesday, 11 a.m.-2 a.m. Thursday to Saturday

• Noise level: Conversationally loud to just plain loud

• Etc.: Full bar, outdoor seating, live music on weekends

• Everything pretzel, $11

• Pineapple-salmon lettuce wraps, $12

• Lobster shrimp mac, $15

• Bistro steak frites, $22

What the symbols mean

★ – Fair

$ – Average entree is under $10

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Man watching football on his phone while charging, ‘electrocuted’ to death

bed

Nigeria News | Laila’s Blog
Man watching football on his phone while charging, ‘electrocuted’ to death

A man who was watching a football match on his mobile phone while it was charging was “eletrocuted by the handset” on Tuesday night.

The man who has been identified as Somchai Singkhorn, 40, a chef from Thailand was found dead on his mattress by his room mate after he had been electrocuted while watching TV on his charging phone with his headphones plugged in.

He was found dead the next morning after the incident laying on his mattress with a can of beer while watching TV on his phone with his headphones plugged in, with burn marks on his arm and neck..

His room mate, Saeng, 28, found Somchai’s phone plugged and his earphones were resting across his arm, face, and neck. He initially thought he was sick when he tried waking him up severally but he didn’t move. Saeng then called his boss to inform him about the situation until he later discovered that Somchai was actually dead.

Saeng said: ‘I went to wake him up but he was not moving, so I [was] worried that he might be ill. I contacted our employer but when he came to check, he told me that Somchai was dead.’

‘He always stays up late concentrating on his phone before he sleeps. Last night when I last saw him alive he was doing that, the same as other nights. He was watching football.’

Police Colonel Warawach Thammasarot said:

‘The deceased was laid on the mattress with his phone and earphone[s] on him but we also found beer and fizzy drinks near him.

‘From the initial checks, we suspected that he was electrocuted but we need to check everything and wait for his postmortem examination results before we confirm the exact cause of death.’

When police arrived at the scene, they found cans of beer and Coca Cola at the deceased’s feet. His body was later transported for an autopsy where the cause of death is being investigated.

Follow us on Facebook – @Lailasnews; Twitter – @LailaIjeoma for updates

Man watching football on his phone while charging, ‘electrocuted’ to death
Damilola Ismail

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Pastor Feeds Church Members With Millipedes And Beer

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Pastor Lesego Daniel while feeding his church members
Pastor Lesego Daniel while feeding his church members

Controversial South African pastor, Lesego Daniel, has shared photos of his bizarre mass feeding program wherein he was spotted feeding his church members with Millipedes and beer.

In a statement released on his official website, he claims everything God created on the earth is good for human consumption.

Full statement below:

“Truly this scripture was fulfilled in Rabboni centre ministries today as our father has been teaching us that anything can be declared to be the body and the blood of our Lord Jesus Christ, we don’t discriminate because God gave to us everything that lives and moves about the earth to be food, just as He has given us green plants for food. He said to Noah in Genesis 9 that I now give you everything for food to eat and today we are beating the shadows to reveal those who dwell in the shadow of the almighty as we are revealing the ones who belong to the light.

“So sons of glory cannot be judged by what they eat or drink or with regard to religious festivals because these things were a shadow of what was to come, so the reality has come and this reality is found in the body of Christ. Creation continues to be joyful in Rabboni centre ministries because it has been subjected to frustration, not by its own choice but by the will of Him who subjected it, in hope that it will be liberated when the sons of glory are revealed.

Read Also: Pastor’s Daughter Who Married Three Men At The Same Time Denies Them Sex

“Creation wait no more, whatever we touch is blessed, whether it’s chicken, millipede, boerewors, waffles, etc., we sanctify and consecrate it by the word of God and prayer and we declare it to be the body and the blood of our Lord Jesus Christ.

“This is how we call our Lord Jesus Christ affectionately into remembrance and many sons and daughters partook from his body with joy as they have been enlightened by the word of truth.”

The post Pastor Feeds Church Members With Millipedes And Beer appeared first on Information Nigeria.

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Nollywood actress ‘Nkechi Blessing was served as meal for Asiwaju Jagaban’ – Blogger – Davina Diaries

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Instagram blog, Gist Lovers has accused Nollywood screen goddess, Nkechi Blessing of sleeping with some celebrities and ‘given to Asiwaju Jagaban as a souvenir’

Few hours after popular Nollywood actress, Nkechi Blessing Sunday announced on her Instagram page that she is no longer in a relationship, an unconfirmed report has exposed her sexual escapades.

The actress who was in a relationship with a man, identified as Mike Adeyemi, who is also an actor and a producer made the announcement on Sunday evening.

The actress gave credit to her haters for ending her relationship with her boyfriend, she claimed so many people are so keen on not seeing her happy.

In one of the posts, the mother of one said “just in case you asked me out before and I told you I was taken, e dakun ati lo ati de”

In another message, she said she is single and open for relationships and all potential suitors are welcomed to submit their proposals.

Read Also: I Hope I Never See My Parents Again- Kemi Olunloyo

Shortly after then, Nkechi called out Gist Lovers on the claims that it published fake reports.

Gist Lovers clapped back by making some revelations where Nkechi was accused of sleeping with Mompha and Adeniyi Johnson.

The long post reads “Oh well since you crave attention so bad, let’s give it to you Hippopotamus, Nkan Alejo for Yoruba Industry (souvenir)now to set the records straight, Your Puna is a giveaway zone

“Let me take you down memory lane for pere city, how you and your beer parlour mum chop the same Gbola, how street boys molested you, how you became a drop out in the university for lesbianism allegations

“How you were served as a meal for Asiwaju Jagaban and he rejected you cause of the odour…how he gave you 500k thanks for coming

“How Mompha enter your Puna with 50k, Aunty Souvenir please behave yourself for once and borrow sense, you were shaming Seyi Edun for snatching husband, how about you that slept with Niyi Johnson while he was still married to Toyin

“Your fashion designer is in My dm, about to call you out for debt, your Audio lifestyle is about to come to an end

“Oh I forgot to mention how you slept with Demola Maya award just to win ordinary Award, you are that low, Tueh”

Gist Lover also claimed that Nkechi Blessing who was in a relationship with a man, identified as Mike Adeyemi forced herself on the boyfriend.

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Lady beats her 13-year-old sister to death for bed wetting

person

When a Lagos trader Mr. Emeka Omenka and his wife Ifeoma allowed their 13-year-old daughter Precious to visit her half-sister in Lekki, they never knew it was a decision they would regret the rest of their lives.

Precious, a Junior Secondary School (JSS) 3 pupil died on October 25 at the Federal Medical Centre (FMC) Ebute Metta from complications of the beating she allegedly received from her older half-sister Nneka and her mother Seki Eko on October 14.

According to the death certificate issued at the hospital, the primary and secondary causes of death were Acute Kidney Injury (AKI) and Cardiopulmonary Collapse.

According to the National Kidney Foundation, AKI is a sudden episode of kidney failure or kidney damage that happens within a few hours or a few days and causes a build-up of waste products in the blood, making it hard for the kidneys to keep the right balance of fluid in the body.

Other causes of AKI, the foundation said, are decreased blood flow to the kidney caused by shock, clotting, bleeding or severe diarrhoea, severe allergic reaction, overuse of pain medicines used to reduce swelling or relieve pain from headaches, colds, flu, and other ailments.

The teenager went to Nneka’s house in Ikota, Lekki on October 12 on the latter’s request.

Omenka said his 13-year-old daughter was returned on October 16 looking weak with complaints of body pains. He said Precious gave details of how she was kicked in the stomach, chest and sides several times, adding that she was beaten with a mop stick and a cable as well. They tried to relieve the pains with analgesics and hot water massage.

“I am in pain,” he said. “My heart is broken. I do not even know where to start. I am finding it so difficult to understand how my older daughter and her mother beat up my girl so badly to the point that she died as a result of wounds she sustained. Nneka is my first daughter. I had her out of wedlock with one Seki Eko I was in a relationship with. She runs a beer parlour at Oluwole Market. But Nneka was trained by my wife Ifeoma who loved her like her own child.

“When I got married to my wife, it was difficult for her to conceive and so she brought up Nneka like her own child. So, when she came and said Precious should come to her place in Ikota, we did not have any reason to deny her request. Her husband lives in Dubai. She promised to send her to a private school to appreciate my wife for taking care of her.

“Precious went to her place on October 12. It was that weekend that it rained all through. Then, on October 14, which was a Monday, it also rained and Precious said she peed on the bed. That was her offence that made my daughter and her mother to descend on her like that.

“When they finished, they brought her back and dumped her at my place in Apapa Road, Ebute Metta. She was complaining of body pains and narrated what happened to her at her sister’s place in tears. I could not bear it and I wept as she was talking.

“My wife and I bought painkillers that we gave her. My wife was also using hot water and cloth to massage her body. We did not know that it was so bad. When we saw that she was not getting better despite the painkillers, we decided to take her to FMC because that’s where she was born.

“She was already stooling on her body and her mother was cleaning it. So, at the hospital, she was rushed to the emergency room after the doctors said she was short of blood. They did so many tests and scans and discovered that she was bleeding internally and that her bladder burst too.

“She was in the hospital some days and was booked for emergency surgery. I was busy running around to raise money to save my daughter’s life. I even borrowed from friends and family members so that she could be saved but at last we lost her.

“Nneka did not tell me what happened to my daughter and did not even come to the hospital until her relative from her mother’s side who works at the FMC called her to rebuke her. That was when she came and spent about N14,000 on my daughter’s drugs that day.

“I did not go to the police station then because I was busy running around for my daughter to be alright. But after she passed on…my kinsmen advised I report at the station. I went to Denton Police Station and Iponri but they told me it did not happen in their jurisdiction and that I should go to Lekki to report.

“I just sent a message to her husband and told him what she did. My wife has been inconsolable since then.

“I want justice for my daughter. I feel very disappointed that this happened to my family. I want human rights to come and government to investigate this case. Nneka is my daughter but Precious is also my daughter and she did not deserve to die like that,” he said.

The mother of the deceased told our correspondent she was still in shock over the incident, denying insinuations that Precious might have been ill.

She said: “My daughter was very healthy and even cooked for her younger ones that day before following Nneka. Nneka and her mother should explain what happened to my daughter. Nneka was brought to my house when she was 17 and we trained her in the university. I never did any wrong to her and then, she chose to pay me back this way?”

Our correspondent contacted Nneka for her reaction to the allegation and she said she would call back because where she was in a noisy place. After 90 minutes, our correspondent called again but she asked, “Who gave you the information? I cannot answer you if you do not say who gave you information. If you are recording me, I am recording you too and we all have our exhibits.”

Later, a woman, Tolu Fagbayila who said she was Nneka’s manager and public relations person called but declined to give her client’s side of the story.

She insisted on a physical meeting for a way forward.

Our correspondent told her a physical meeting was not necessary and that Nneka’s reaction could be sent through email, WhatsApp or SMS by the lawyer or anyone speaking on her behalf but that was not done.

Nneka reportedly told those around her the teenager died as a result of ruptured appendicitis, adding that the girl was ill before she took her to her house.

Efforts to reach her mother Seki Eko on her telephone number were unsuccessful. Meanwhile, a coalition of child advocates has signified interest in the matter following The Nation online report of the case.

Mr. Omenka told our correspondent that the advocates have contacted and interviewed him, adding that they also volunteered to take over the case and ensure justice.

Sources at the police station said an order to exhume the teenager’s body would be sought so that autopsy could be conducted.

Police spokesman Bala Elkana confirmed the case was reported at Ajiwe Division in Ajah, adding that the suspects have been arrested.

He said, “The father of the girl reported the incident at Ajah Police Station. He said he has since buried the girl. We have arrested the suspects and the case has been transferred to homicide section of State Criminal Investigation and Intelligence (SCIID) Yaba.”

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Lady beats her younger sister to death for bed wetting. – YabaLeftOnline

person

When a Lagos trader Mr. Emeka Omenka and his wife Ifeoma allowed their 13-year-old daughter Precious to visit her half-sister in Lekki, they never knew it was a decision they would regret the rest of their lives.

Precious, a Junior Secondary School (JSS) 3 pupil died on October 25 at the Federal Medical Centre (FMC) Ebute Metta from complications of the beating she allegedly received from her older half-sister Nneka and her mother Seki Eko on October 14.

According to the death certificate issued at the hospital, the primary and secondary causes of death were Acute Kidney Injury (AKI) and Cardiopulmonary Collapse.

According to the National Kidney Foundation, AKI is a sudden episode of kidney failure or kidney damage that happens within a few hours or a few days and causes a build-up of waste products in the blood, making it hard for the kidneys to keep the right balance of fluid in the body.

Other causes of AKI, the foundation said, are decreased blood flow to the kidney caused by shock, clotting, bleeding or severe diarrhoea, severe allergic reaction, overuse of pain medicines used to reduce swelling or relieve pain from headaches, colds, flu, and other ailments.

The teenager went to Nneka’s house in Ikota, Lekki on October 12 on the latter’s request.

Omenka said his 13-year-old daughter was returned on October 16 looking weak with complaints of body pains. He said Precious gave details of how she was kicked in the stomach, chest and sides several times, adding that she was beaten with a mop stick and a cable as well. They tried to relieve the pains with analgesics and hot water massage.

“I am in pain,” he said. “My heart is broken. I do not even know where to start. I am finding it so difficult to understand how my older daughter and her mother beat up my girl so badly to the point that she died as a result of wounds she sustained. Nneka is my first daughter. I had her out of wedlock with one Seki Eko I was in a relationship with. She runs a beer parlour at Oluwole Market. But Nneka was trained by my wife Ifeoma who loved her like her own child.

“When I got married to my wife, it was difficult for her to conceive and so she brought up Nneka like her own child. So, when she came and said Precious should come to her place in Ikota, we did not have any reason to deny her request. Her husband lives in Dubai. She promised to send her to a private school to appreciate my wife for taking care of her.

“Precious went to her place on October 12. It was that weekend that it rained all through. Then, on October 14, which was a Monday, it also rained and Precious said she peed on the bed. That was her offence that made my daughter and her mother to descend on her like that.

“When they finished, they brought her back and dumped her at my place in Apapa Road, Ebute Metta. She was complaining of body pains and narrated what happened to her at her sister’s place in tears. I could not bear it and I wept as she was talking.

“My wife and I bought painkillers that we gave her. My wife was also using hot water and cloth to massage her body. We did not know that it was so bad. When we saw that she was not getting better despite the painkillers, we decided to take her to FMC because that’s where she was born.

“She was already stooling on her body and her mother was cleaning it. So, at the hospital, she was rushed to the emergency room after the doctors said she was short of blood. They did so many tests and scans and discovered that she was bleeding internally and that her bladder burst too.

“She was in the hospital some days and was booked for emergency surgery. I was busy running around to raise money to save my daughter’s life. I even borrowed from friends and family members so that she could be saved but at last we lost her.

“Nneka did not tell me what happened to my daughter and did not even come to the hospital until her relative from her mother’s side who works at the FMC called her to rebuke her. That was when she came and spent about N14,000 on my daughter’s drugs that day.

I did not go to the police station then because I was busy running around for my daughter to be alright. But after she passed on…my kinsmen advised I report at the station. I went to Denton Police Station and Iponri but they told me it did not happen in their jurisdiction and that I should go to Lekki to report.

“I just sent a message to her husband and told him what she did. My wife has been inconsolable since then.

“I want justice for my daughter. I feel very disappointed that this happened to my family. I want human rights to come and government to investigate this case. Nneka is my daughter but Precious is also my daughter and she did not deserve to die like that,” he said.

The mother of the deceased told our correspondent she was still in shock over the incident, denying insinuations that Precious might have been ill.

She said: “My daughter was very healthy and even cooked for her younger ones that day before following Nneka. Nneka and her mother should explain what happened to my daughter. Nneka was brought to my house when she was 17 and we trained her in the university. I never did any wrong to her and then, she chose to pay me back this way?”

Our correspondent contacted Nneka for her reaction to the allegation and she said she would call back because where she was in a noisy place. After 90 minutes, our correspondent called again but she asked, “Who gave you the information? I cannot answer you if you do not say who gave you information. If you are recording me, I am recording you too and we all have our exhibits.”

Later, a woman, Tolu Fagbayila who said she was Nneka’s manager and public relations person called but declined to give her client’s side of the story.

She insisted on a physical meeting for a way forward.

Our correspondent told her a physical meeting was not necessary and that Nneka’s reaction could be sent through email, WhatsApp or SMS by the lawyer or anyone speaking on her behalf but that was not done.

Nneka reportedly told those around her the teenager died as a result of ruptured appendicitis, adding that the girl was ill before she took her to her house.

Efforts to reach her mother Seki Eko on her telephone number were unsuccessful. Meanwhile, a coalition of child advocates has signified interest in the matter following The Nation online report of the case.

Mr. Omenka told our correspondent that the advocates have contacted and interviewed him, adding that they also volunteered to take over the case and ensure justice.

Sources at the police station said an order to exhume the teenager’s body would be sought so that autopsy could be conducted.

Police spokesman Bala Elkana confirmed the case was reported at Ajiwe Division in Ajah, adding that the suspects have been arrested.

He said, “The father of the girl reported the incident at Ajah Police Station. He said he has since buried the girl. We have arrested the suspects and the case has been transferred to homicide section of State Criminal Investigation and Intelligence (SCIID) Yaba.”

Source: The Nation.

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‘My daughter was beaten to death by her sister for bedwetting’

By Precious Igbonwelundu

When a Lagos trader Mr. Emeka Omenka and his wife Ifeoma allowed their 13-year-old daughter Precious to go visit her married stepsister in Lekki, they never knew it was a decision they would regret the rest of their lives.

Precious, a Junior Secondary School (JSS) 3 pupil died on October 25 at the Federal Medical Centre (FMC) Ebute Metta as a result of complications that arose from beatings she allegedly received from her older half-sister Mrs. Nneka and her mother Seki Eko on October 14 and 15.

It was gathered that the teenager, upon the request of Mrs. Nneka, went to the latter’s house at Ikota in Lekki on Saturday, October 12, only to be returned to her parents on October 16 in pains.

According to Mr. Omenka, Precious upon return complained of body pains and explained that she was mercilessly beaten by her elder sister, adding that Nneka’s mother who joined in beating her, kicked her several times in the stomach.

He said himself and his wife bought pain killers for her and used hot water to massage her body in the hopes that she would be relieved not knowing that the girl had internal injuries, bleeding as a result of the assaults she suffered.

“I am in pains. My heart is broken. I do not even know where to start. I am finding it so difficult to understand how my older daughter and her mother beat up my girl so badly to the point that she died as a result of wounds she sustained.

“Nneka is my first daughter. I had her out of wedlock with one Sike Eko I was in a relationship with. Her mother runs a beer parlour at Oyingbo. But Nneka was trained by my wife Ifeoma who loved her like her own child.

“When I got married to my wife, it was difficult for her to conceive and so, she brought up Nneka like her own child. So, when she came and said Precious should come to her place in Ikota, we did not have any reason to deny her request.

“She has been begging my wife for about two years now to allow Precious come and stay with her. Her husband lives in Dubai. She promised to send her to a private school to appreciate my wife for taking care of her when I married her.

“Precious went to her place on October 12. It was that weekend that it rained all through. Then, on October 14, which was a Monday, it also rained and Precious said she peed on the bed. That was her offence that made my daughter and her mother to descend on her like that.

“When they have finished, they brought her back and dumped her at my place in Apapa Road, Ebute Metta. She was complaining of body pains and narrated what happened to her at her sister’s place in tears. I could not bear it and I wept as she was talking.

a”My wife and I bought pain killers that we gave her. My wife was also using hot water and clothe to massage her body. We did not know that it was so bad. When we saw that she was not getting better despite the painkillers, we decided to take her to FMC because that’s where she was born.

“She was already stooling on her body and her mother was cleaning it. So, at the hospital, she was rushed to the Emergency room after the doctors said she was short of blood. They did so many tests and scans and discovered that she was bleeding internally and that her bladder burst too.

“She was in the hospital some days and was booked for emergency surgery. I was busy running around to raise money to save my daughter’s life. I even borrowed from friends and family members so that she could be saved but at least we lost her.

“Throughout this period, Nneka did not tell me what happened to my daughter. She did not even come to the hospital until her relative from her mother’s side who works at the FMC called her to rebuke her.

“That was when she came and spent about N14,000 on my daughter’s drugs that day. I am still trying to understand all these things because I honestly do not get it. I did not go to the police station then because I was busy running around for my daughter to be alright.

“But after she passed on and my kinsmen knew what happened, they advised I go and report at the station. I went to Denton Police Station and Iponri but they told me it did not happen in their jurisdiction and that I have to go to Lekki to report.

“How will I go to Lekki which is their area to report a case against her? Will I be able to afford the expenses? That is why I did not go there. I just sent a message to her husband and told him what she did. My wife has been inconsolable since then.

“Of course I want justice for my daughter. I feel.very disappointed that this happened to my family. I want human rights to come and government to investigate this case. Nneka is my daughter but Precious is also my daughter and she did not deserve to die like that,” he said.

Our correspondent contacted Mrs. Nneka for her reaction to the allegation and she said she would call back because where she was was noisy.

After 90 minutes without hearing from her, our correspondent called again but she insisted on knowing who gave her the information.

Her exact words: “Who gave you the information because I cannot answer you if you do not say who gave you information. If you are recording me, I am recording you too and we all have our exhibits.”

Efforts to reach her mother Sike Eko on her telephone number provided our Correspondent were unsuccessful at the time of this report.

Contacted, Police spokesman Bala Elkana said no such case was reported, urging the deceased’s parents to make an official report so that investigation would commence.

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President Obama Signs Final Executive Orders for Black America – R. Eric Thomas

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Last month I did a guest editorial spot during the run of 1812 Productions‘ political comedy show, This Is The Week That Is. I was very excited to break news about President Obama’s final Executive Orders. And I’m equally as delighted to share them with you today!

In case you don’t know, I’m the local chapter president of National Black Friends of America. We are the organization that represents your black friend.

And maybe you have more than one—that’s great; we love overachievers—but statistically…

One of our most popular services is our hotline. You can call any time day or night for references. So, if someone accuses you of being a racist, just give us a call and we can get on the line and say “No. He has a black friend.” That usually settles it.

But I’m not here to talk about us; I’m here to talk about America’s black friend—President Barack Obama.

As you’re aware, America’s black friend is leaving his job in one month. We’re very sad about that. And I think we all know that even though President Obama is great and we love being around him, America’s main interaction with him has been through work. And now that he’s leaving the company, it’s going to be harder to hang out. We want to make plans and we’ll probably grab a beer at Applebee’s once or twice, but you know, everyone is so busy these days.

Anyway, before he leaves, President Obama has been making tons of last-minute pardons, endorsements and executive orders. Just yesterday he pardoned more people in a single day than any president ever.

But it’s his executive orders that are of particular interest to us, the National Black Friends of America. The president, as a parting gift to post-racial America, has made a list of decrees for things that Black people can now do (or now no longer have to do). Here are our ten favorites:

1. If you’re black, you don’t have to wait in line at the deli anymore. Just walk right up to the front. You can take a number if you want to but then just crumple it up and throw it on the floor.

2.The president is really concerned about all this Russian hacking business. The DNC can’t order lunch from GrubHub without it getting leaked. To prevent any further internet impropriety, all American correspondence will now have to go over the only server we trust–the one from the dating site BlackPlanet. If you’re trying to reach me, you can e-mail MochaChocolata@BlackPlanet.com

3. Speaking of Social Media, after these new executive orders, Black Twitter is now the only Twitter. Now you may say to yourself “Isn’t Black Twitter a part of Twitter? Is it a separate entity now? How do I find Black Twitter?” I’m not going to tell you.

4. Free hoagies at Jimmy John’s on Wednesdays! Very exciting.

5. Obama also made some changes to the criminal justice system. For instance, all trials will now exclusively have all-black juries. We’re just going to see how it goes. Don’t be nervous.

6. It’s also illegal, now, to perform routine traffic stops on black people. You can’t stop us anymore. It’s going to be like Mario Kart out there. Don’t worry; we’re very good drivers. It’s fine. The historically black driver’s ed schools are some of the best in the country. But, yeah, you can’t stop a black person in a car. We know our taillight is out. We know.

7. Michelle Obama is going on Mount Rushmore. But we’re moving Mount Rushmore to Miami because it’s just easier to get to.

8. Everything is church now. Tambourines. Ushers in orthopedic shoes. People doing cartwheels of praise down the aisle. Offering baskets. Everything. Church can happen anywhere at any time. Church is about to happen here. Venmo me your offering please. Hallelujah.

9. Oh! This is a new order that just went into effect last month at the Country Music Awards. Starting now, Beyonce can perform any kind of music she wants, at any time, anywhere. Coming in 2017: Beyonce does Klezmer. You’ll love it!

And lastly:

10. Beginning next year, we can’t use the n-word anymore either.

We’re very excited to be living in these post-post-racial times. Until then, as we now say in America, as allah malakim. And may Black Jesus bless us all!

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Pendulum : Social Media And President Buhari’s Imaginary Wedding Of The Century By Dele Momodu

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Fellow Nigerians, these are very interesting and humorous times indeed! Barely one week after the Big Brother Naija show was concluded, ending our light relief, some restless Nigerians have started their own nebulous reality show in earnest. To say Nigerians are well endowed with fecund imaginations and fantastic creativity would be an understatement. This is why rumourmongering is big business in this climate.

Let me reassure you that it didn’t just start today. Many are blaming the proliferation of social media and the affordability of internet data for this unusual surge in the wild speculations and stories flying everywhere today, but I wish to disagree with this theory. This is a major aspect of my research work at The African Studies Centre, University of Oxford.

Society Journalism is not new to Nigeria or Africa. This genre thrives on wild rumours and fertile imaginations. It was once described as junk journalism. And society loves junk generally because it is like fast food. People love to read and hear and discuss society people. Society people or newsmakers themselves love to gobble up junk stories, no matter how ridiculous they may be or sound. More often than not, the stories are untrue, but society still feeds on them.

Let me take you down memory lane. In May 1989, a wild rumour surfaced that nearly sent the government of President Ibrahim Badamasi Babangida packing. The content of the rumour was so bizarre, but even intelligent people still believed the story. It was what led to what was tagged THE SAP RIOTS. SAP was the acronym for Structural Adjustment Program which President Babangida had introduced at the time. Then came the news, which was made believable by the participation of the famous social critic, Dr Tai Solarin, who swore by Jove that the story was impeccably true. What was it all about? It turned out that this tale was what he had learnt from a brief but hasty trip to a public toilet where he had overheard a conversation in which the lurid allegations were made.

It was reported that while Nigerians were being asked to tighten their belts and lives, Babangida’s family allegedly owned some of the most exclusive and expensive boutiques in Europe. Since there was no social media to help project, propel and distribute the gossip, the promoters had to improvise by typing the tales by moonlight on stencils and printing them as leaflets.

Unlike today, that was a time when we had no social media platforms such as Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and WhatsApp, it therefore remains a mystery how they were able to make those leaflets go so viral in 1989. From Lagos to Edo State and around the South West axis, the stories developed wings and began to spread across Nigeria like wildfire in harmattan. The more people tried to douse the fire, the higher the fire took a major leap of its life. And sadly, people believed the campaign of calumny against the government of the day which led to the youths taking to the roads and streets screaming “Babangida must go…” Anyone who said anything contrary was instantly considered an enemy of the people and friends of the looters. The situation was not so much different as it is today, but social media has since made such stories readily available to a willing, gullible and sometimes ignorant market.

I was away from our office at the Weekend Concord newspaper when the news broke on a horrible Wednesday. I returned on Friday afternoon by which time the first edition of the tabloid had gone to bed and already printed. The screaming headline was BLACK WEDNESDAY IN LAGOS. I immediately disagreed with my boss, Mr Mike Awoyinfa, that the headline was rather weak for a Saturday paper. He then challenged me to come up with a better headline and I picked up the challenge and came up with my own: RUMOURS THAT FUELLED THE RIOTS! My Editor was over the moon with his Deputy Editor, Mr Dimgba Igwe (now of blessed memory).

The next problem was how to write a good story to justify my new headline without getting into trouble with the military government of the day. Trust me, I offered to be the lamb of God who would carry the sins of the world. Interestingly, this was 30 years ago, in 1989. I ordered a bottle of beer and raised one of my legs on the table while I pumped the alcohol into my brains to emit some powerful words for one of the biggest stories of my journalism career. That was when the famous columnist, May Ellen Ezekiel, who had just lost her job at Quality magazine and was now working on her own publication, Classique magazine, but kept a column in Weekend Concord, which I edited, sauntered in and saw me drinking while writing. First it was strange, and almost sacrilegious, to find anyone drinking in the main offices of Concord newspapers, except at the popular Bush Canteen, earmarked for such purpose, and then to be writing a satanic story at that. May Ellen approached me and said “shuo, what’s going on here?” I explained the delicate story I was working on and she was excited too. That was the day her respect for me quadrupled and she started making moves to headhunt and poach me to her magazine, to which I fell yakata about a year later.

Fortunately, that evening, our Chairman, Chief Moshood Abiola, returned from a trip to Europe and brought us copies of the Ebony magazines which was allegedly supposed to have carried the stories of the Babangida’s outlandish ownerships of expensive shops and choice properties abroad while Nigerians languished in excruciating pains. Nothing of the sort was ever published by Ebony. That was not the type of gossipy stuff Ebony would normally disseminate. So, I first regurgitated all the fictional anecdotes before revealing that we had laid our hands on recent editions of Ebony and nothing of the sort was contained therein. And we published a bromide of the Ebony on the cover to prove the authenticity of our claims. I believe our second edition on Saturday morning reportedly sold over 80,000 copies in Lagos and its environ alone. And I earned a double promotion that May 1989, when I moved straight from Staff Writer to Literary editor. Six months later, I was promoted News Editor, and it was such a meteoric rise for me. Our Managing Director, Dr Doyinsola Hamdat Abiola, who had handpicked me for the job at weekend Concord as a pioneer staff, from my former post at the African Concord magazine, was very proud of her decision.

Thus, you can imagine how I feel today, 30 years after, with another round of incredible fictionalisation, this time, about a former military ruler, now a civilian President, Muhammadu Buhari. The difference this time, I must reiterate is that the youths of today are much more audaciously creative, and largely emboldened by their smartphones from where they can operate even more clandestinely and incognito.

No one knows how the rumours of President Buhari’s supposed whirlwind romance with one of his new Ministers surfaced and blew out of proportion such that everyone is talking about it authoritatively. Different versions of invitation cards have been designed and printed online. Some people claimed the wedding was definitely taking place and procured their own “aso ebi”, a special uniform dress for special guests, friends and relatives. By Thursday night, I had reached out to several impeccable sources within and outside the Presidential villa and was told categorically that no such event would take place on Friday, October 11, 2019. I also confirmed that the supposed bride was not even anywhere near Nigeria. She was away overseas on national assignments.

But some new videos, purportedly showing the supposed arrival of the reportedly estranged First Lady, Mrs Aisha Buhari, who has made England her new home and base these past months, were going viral. One of them was a loud voice lamenting how some parts of the villa had been locked up and the woman in the video was practically stridently lamenting and soliloquising about how she was being treated shabbily. “Enough is enough” was her bitter assertion in that particular video. There were other videos of the new bride dancing and being sprayed with crispy notes in what looked like a traditional wedding party. All the videos of the alleged returnee wife and the supposed incoming bride turned out to be old footage obtained from God knows where and how.

My investigations further revealed that the First Lady was also out of the country. I therefore, tweeted that there was no way such a wedding would take place in secret, but many still disagreed with me. President Buhari is a man well known for his strong convictions and would not hide behind one finger, if and when he decides to take another wife. It is not an offence against his culture and religion to marry more than more wife, so there is nothing that can stop or discourage him, if he really wants another wife. What I find odd and strange is that his handlers allowed the silly rumours to fester beyond redemption. A simple statement would have killed the unbridled rumour in its infancy.

By yesterday afternoon, the rumour came up with renewed vigour as the day of reckoning loomed with some people running commentaries like football commentators from the “wedding venue”. I have never felt so entertained and titillated in my life. My name even came into one of these spoofs. These guys are downright hilarious!

Someone created the account, Uncle Demola @OmoGbajabiamila, and ran this commentary:

“Burna Boy is giving us ‘when the gbedu de enter body’ “…

“Oshiomhole don off shirt.”

“LMFAOOOooo… Chris Ngige is doing breakdance to Burna Boy’s song. Anambra people can disappoint sha!”

“Adebayo Shittu is finally here.”

“When Baba see strippers, E just de shout ‘Astagafurillahi, Astagafurillahi, Astagafurillahi!’ “

“I’m hearing noise outside. Let me go and check what’s happening.”

“There is a serious problem outside between Rochas and DSS.”

“Apparently, Rochas Okorocha came with a giant statue of Buhari and he wants to bring it inside but the DSS guys won’t allow it. Where’s Abba Kyari FFS???

Rochas just came in and he’s complaining bitterly about the DSS guys not allowing him bring the statue in.”

“Wait! Dino Melaye has been allowed to enter as Naira Marley’s backup singer. Smart man!” #BUSA19

“Naira Marley has not even started singing, Lauretta Onochie is already twerking… DSS, heissss DSS. Do your job naaau!”

“Shehu Sani is on low cut. Baba wan disguise enter. ABBA Kyari catch am. DSS is taking him away already!”

“Apparently, someone told Dele Momodu that the party had been called off. So, he didn’t bother to come. Baba dey Twitter now de lament as e see say groove don begin.”

“LMFAOOOOooo… ABBA Kyari don bounce Dino Melaye.”

“Elrufai don show!!!”

“Goodluck Jonathan came with his own Sapele water. Ijaw man himself. Hennessy na like Sprite for am.”

“Garba Shehu de in charge of Barbecue.”

“Be like Femi Adeshina de suspension.”

“…Dem don wake Ganduje, make E come go sleep upstairs. Be like Baba don de snore.”

“Amaechi and Wike are also here but the two of them are on handcuffs so that there won’t be any fighting between them.”

“Akeredolu with this his baggy trousers sha. Who is his tailor nitori Olorun?”

“Buhari has collected the mic from Naira Marley. Looks like he doesn’t like the Soapy song. Not sure Abike Dabiri will like this!”

“Rauf Aregbesola is drinking Malt.”

“Fashola is calling NEPA boys to bring light. Be like fuel don low for gen and Mele Kyari nor remember to buy fuel.”

“Femi Gbajabiamila is here on a Gucci up and down. Iyalaya anybody!”

“Femi Otedola and Dangote are forming big boys. Nonsense!”

“I think I have been reported. The DSS guys are looking at me wan kain…” That’s the narrator, Uncle Demola himself.

For me, that was the height of comic relief that attended this silliness and maybe it came at the right time of acute stress everywhere. It certainly alleviated my feeling of gloom and doom. The solution is certainly not to ban or criminalise fake news. That was not done in 1989 by the more authoritarian, dictatorial military regime of Ibrahim Babangida. It should not be done now, when we are in a constitutional civilian democracy! For me, as a journalist, the freedom of speech guaranteed by the constitution is sacrosanct and, in any event, there are extant laws available to deal with any abuse or infraction. Any new law will only be used by those keen to muzzle critics and presumed opponents of government like the so-called “wailing wailers”!

My conclusion is that nothing can ever shock Nigerians again so that even if this story had been true, we would have taken it in our stride. Our proclivity for absorbing shocks is infinitesimal. The world is waiting and watching how alleged family feuds, rebellion and relationships involving the leadership, domestic and other staff would end eventually.

Will this national drama ever lead to a denouement? Time will tell.

The post Pendulum : Social Media And President Buhari’s Imaginary Wedding Of The Century By Dele Momodu appeared first on TheNigerialawyer.

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I love drag. It’s dangerous: Graham Norton and Alan Carr on desire, camp and cancel culture

As RuPauls Drag Race comes to the UK, two of its judges discuss homophobia, the celebrity they first fancied and why todays comedy audiences want more kindness

Alan Carr

How do you think you would do if you were contestants on RuPauls Drag Race?
Graham Norton:Poorly.
Alan Carr: Before I started dressing up as women in sketches, I thought: I bet because Im not a looker as a man, Im one of those ones that, when you put on the make up, I am quite something quite stunning. And no. It just doesnt translate.

Ive seen the first episode of your show and it is a lot more messy and anarchic than the US version.
Alan:Drag queens in the UK, they survive it all theres a hen party, a stag party, people throwing beer bottles. They work not on their heels, but on their wits.
Graham: Even the ones that arent funny are funny. Suddenly, you realise how unfunny some of the American ones are.

Do you think the UK version might get lost in translation?
Graham: Funny is funny, I think.
Alan: I sort of hope it does get a little bit lost. I had to go in and tell RuPaul who Kim Woodburn [the TV personality and cleaner] is. How can you explain to Americans who Kim Woodburn is? Its just nice, for once in my life, to not be the campest one in the room.

Do you ever find that you check yourselves in public any more that you worry about people recognising that youre gay?
Alan: I give up with all that. I give up.
Graham: But I understand it. I mean, sometimes you do, because if you feel like someones gonna punch you, then yes, you do. Still, now, you know. Its funny when people talk about coming out, because you want to say to them: it never ends. You think you come out and thats the end of it. No. Because then its the first nice day of the year and the cab driver says something about Oh, I love the summer, you know, theyve all got their tits out, and youre like: is this a moment? Is this worth my time? Do I reveal myself?

Do you still encounter a loathing of camp among some straight-acting gay men?
Graham: I think you do in that, still, straight acting is an ideal. And thats just part of our sexuality. Were all prone to that. I remember seeing a BBC Three thing about young gays down in Brighton, and my name came up, and the idea of being me was just horrific to them. And it broke my heart, because they were me. I just thought: But you are little mes, you are the fey, camp ones.
Alan: I say to Graham, do you remember when we used to get slagged off by the snooty gays, you know: Oh, camp is that really how gay men should be portrayed? I mean, look at whats come since, love. Were like Vin Diesel and Sylvester Stallone, compared with that. Camp is different things to different people. Did you ever watch Dynasty? What about when the son came out as gay and had a fight? That, to me, was the stirring.
Graham: No, my stirring was Alain Delon in The Yellow Rolls-Royce. He took his shirt off. And I remember trying to discuss with a boy at school how lovely his back was.

How did he respond?
Graham: Well, it was a nice car!

Alan

Bring it on Alan Carr, Michelle Visage, Graham Norton, judges of RuPauls Drag Race UK season one, with contestants. Photograph: James Spawforth/BBC

Youre both known as chat show hosts. Who have been your worst and best guests?
Alan: Im not going down that road. I mean, booking for a chat show is when you are on Channel 4 and youre not
Graham Norton it is pulling teeth. [Turns to Graham] One time you had David Beckham on, just as an amuse-bouche. He just came out for 10 minutes and then went away! And Im like: Oh no, which reality star am I talking to today?
Graham: But at Channel 4 when we started we had exactly the same thing. For that audience you have to push things further and its ruder and I think publicists get really nervous. So actually on BBC One where its nice, everythings lovely, its much easier to welcome people on.
Alan: Towards the end of Chatty Man I just found that they wanted more vitriol. Then the monologue at the end was becoming a nightmare. I mean, you would go to a function and you would be like: Oh my God, Simon Cowell is coming along in his built-up shoes. You cant keep pushing the envelope, because socially you become a pariah. And the people you slag off in the monologues, when you meet them, theyre actually quite lovely. And its the people you like who are the complete arseholes.

Do you think comedians should be worried about cancel culture [where someone is called out or boycotted online]?
Alan: Its a nightmare. I just feel that if standup comedy disappears, where do you go … I dont know. Let me have a think about this. It does wind me up.
Graham: Im in two minds about it. On the one hand, I think its annoying that youre being told what to say But funny continues you just have to be slightly cleverer about what youre funny about. When alternative comedy began, it was saying, OK, Bernard Mannings act: that doesnt exist any more. And I think we have started to drift back to Bernard Manning. People are using really lazy targets in a kind of look at us, we can say anything way. I think theres nothing fearless about soft targets. Its actually the opposite of fearless. Youre picking on people who dont have a defence, who dont have a voice.

Graham, do you ever miss the camp smuttiness of your old Channel 4 show, So Graham Norton?
Graham: I dont. Because [that kind of thing is] still on the telly, if you want that. Its there. But happily, its not being presented by a 56-year-old man. Because I think that it was already getting quite dodgy by the time I stopped doing it, in my 40s. And it just becomes unseemly.

Alan
Youve already broken so many rules just to get on stage. It gives you a freedom and theres something dangerous about drag still, and I enjoy that Alan Carr and Graham Norton. Photograph: David Levene/The Guardian

What do you mean by dodgy?
Graham: I think its unseemly for someone of a certain age to be doing all of that. I still find it funny, but not as funny as I did. Things shock me now that wouldnt have shocked me when I was 25. Im a bit like [sharp intake of breath] he said cunt twice! Maybe I have become more sensitive.
I always think its weird when people talk about jokes and what you can do, or you cant say anything now. And its like, the only people stopping you are your audience. They decide whats funny and whats not funny. There isnt some weird comedy police. If I came out in front of my audience on a Thursday night and did some of those jokes we did [on
So Graham Norton], the audience would just look ashen. And they wouldnt like it. It is partly, I think, because of Twitter and things now, where theres so much bile and viciousness out there that people dont want that in their entertainment.

Did you see the online backlash against drag queen Baga Chipz when she was announced as a contestant on UK Drag Race? It was because of an old article in which she said it was OK for gay people to vote Tory in the 2017 general election.
Alan: Well, thats her opinion, isnt it? Its an opinion. Its dangerous when you start telling people they cant have an opinion on something. And, you know, you dont cancel someone, you engage with someone. Thats the problem. I think thats why I was struggling with the cancelling thing. Because it doesnt actually cancel if anything it gives people more column inches. Doesnt anyone make any mistakes any more?
Graham: Apparently, they do.
Alan: It sounds like I work at Hallmark, but every day is a journey and you get better and thats the whole point of life.
Graham: Try working at the BBC. Easy for you to say, Mr ITV over there. Going back to the comedy, I think there is something about drag that gives performers licence to do stuff. Every performer that gets on stage has a persona, youre never truly yourself it doesnt matter who you are. Youre putting something on, but I think, because in drag you are hidden, you can say and do things and an audience will allow you to do them. Like [US drag queen] Bianca Del Rio does material that no one else is doing Joan Rivers type stuff. A proper insult comic. And that isnt that popular right now. But shes getting away with it.

It does seem that with drag queens the bar for what is deemed acceptable is slightly lower.
Alan: Because youre otherworldly: your rules dont apply to this world.
Graham: Youve already broken so many rules just to get on stage. It gives you a freedom and theres something dangerous about drag still, and I enjoy that.

Do you think things are getting worse for LGBT people in Britain?
Graham: Well, theyre certainly repetitive. Why does anyone study history? Why do we bother?
Alan: The one thing you do learn from history is that you dont learn from history. Its becoming a bit of a minefield just the semantics and the language. I feel as if we cant really get to the problems, because we have to tiptoe through this minefield of language. It would be nice just to get it all out on the table and discuss, but I think sometimes social media can blur all that.
Graham: Twitter, I think, must destroy some young gays. If you stick your head above the parapet and you retweet the wrong thing, or you comment on the wrong thing, suddenly you must think the world is so ugly, and so horrible. And I think thats properly dangerous. Because when youre a kid, the one thing you dont know is that this is just going to blow over. And even though people are saying they want to rip your head off and shit down your throat, theyre never going to say boo to you if they see you in the street.

Alan, I read somewhere that you live on a farm with Julian Clary and Paul OGrady. Is that true?
Alan: No! I mean it sounds like the most amazing sitcom, but yeah, its been said that I live on a farm with Paul OGrady and Julian Clary, and I would love it to be true, but its not. I dont know where that came from.
Graham: But you do farm, dont you?
Alan: Well, I just mince around in some wellies [on his husband, Pauls farm]. I am so crap down there, because its all shit and death. You see an animal on its side and youre like: Please be a narcoleptic, please dont be dying, please be having a kip. I cant bear it.

So theres no chance of you doing a farming show on telly?
Alan: No. Listen, Ive had the phone calls. I know how they want me they want me pulling a cows teat, screaming Ah! Ah! [mimes milking a cow]. They want another Rebecca Loos.

So, just to bring it back to drag
Graham: Speaking of death and shit.

Do you think drag is here to stay in mainstream culture or is it just having a moment?
Graham: When Drag Race started, drag was nobodys first choice. Something had happened in your life. You failed at something else. Or you were hiding from something or there was some story before you got to the moment where you were dressed as a woman, lip syncing. I think thats changed. There are now children growing up thinking: I want to be a drag queen.
Alan: It will never go away. I mean, listen, you know, in the Bible obviously I havent read it for ages
Graham: Well, we didnt expect this, did we! We did not see this coming.
Alan: Wasnt there something in the Bible about how [men] should never wear womens clothes or the other sexs clothes, what was that all about? Theres something about transvestism and drag in the Bible, I swear it. So its been around for ages. I think it will be around for ever because it is a state of mind. Theres a male energy and a female energy and I think you get it in performers like Prince, Michael Jackson, George Michael, David Bowie there is something magnetic in that fight between male and female going on before your eyes. And I feel in good drag you cant take your eyes off of it.
Graham: That is really true.
Alan: Thats actually deep. But cut out the Bible bit. I think we all knew I was out of my depth.
Graham: I hope drag is here to stay because I really enjoy it. Instagram drag may go away the idea of boys sitting in their bedrooms painting their faces. But actual drag performers Its midnight ladies and gentlemen, please welcome thats going to go on for ever.

RuPauls Drag Race UK starts on BBC Three on 3 October at 8pm and will be exclusively available on BBC iPlayer

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